Recap, Real Housewives of Atlanta : Pickle Sucking, Fluke Dating & More Sex Talk

Your favorite Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode Re-capper, Yosh, is back! After all this Homecoming hoopla (S/O to Trix for making Morgan a TT), I can finally get back to my girlfriends (of course NeNe and Sheree in my mind) –>  the Real Housewives of Atlanta!

This episode starts off with Kandi doing her online radio show “Kandi Coated Nights”. The name is a bit lame, but whateves. She explains to viewers that her show his a mix of Dr. Ruth, Howard Stern and The View.

All are major snooze fests, except for Dr. Ruth. Google her if you don’t know who she is! Anyway, the guest on the show is none other than Kim and the topic of cheating comes up. She is grilled left and right about whether she considers herself a cheater with the Big Poppa situation. Um newsflash, Kim would be said “home-wrecker,” not cheater. Big Poppa is the one who is still legally married!

NeNe visits Dr. Whiteman’s office (with Cynthia) for a follow-up visit. I must admit, her new schnoze is actually cute! Although nothing was wrong with her nose before, I firmly advocate for those who have the desire to “get on the table” and do a few upgrades. Her boobs were a sitting high, nipples to the sky (her words, not mine) and the lipo on her tummy makes me want to see me PS again (Sponsors welcomed)! I’m glad the other cast members are supportive of her surgery, but very disappointed in her husband Greg. I mean yes, shit ain’t right at this time, but spousal support is necessary during major surgery. Let’s raise our glasses and toast to the douchebag that is Greg Leakes (clink-clink)!

Now I must talk about Phaedra *sighs*. I swear she makes me want to reach for the butter knife EVERY time. The antics she’s up to now come in the form of ‘pregnancy photos.’ One would think this is a time to commemorate “9” months of having a gut full of human {{JB cringed when I wrote this}}. But, NOT FOR PHAEDRA! This southern belle insists on taking photos with a jar of pickles. Why you may ask? She explained that it’s sorta symbolic in that she’s never had any weird cravings during her pregnancy. During the ‘pickle shoot,’ she’s doing some real questionable poses with these pickles (one of them resembles a dildo), then bring Apollo in for some pickle action. They even go as far as putting the ends of a pickle in their mouths! I can’t make this shit up! Come on Apollo! You just got out and you slobbin pickles! Musta learn that shit during rec time (How you doin’?). Check the video below for yourself.

Next, Sheree has a second date with Dr. what’s his name, but this time, he’s cooking for her at his friend’s house. Not his house, a friend’s house o_O. According to Sheree, he’s bi-coastal between LA and Atlanta, but she doesn’t think he even has a house in Atlanta. Anyway Doe (Kat Stacks Voice), during dinner they recap about the seminar he invited her too. They talk about the money vs love topic and percentages (yawn fest) and Sheree makes it very clear that love does not pay the bills. She likes to be wined and dined all over and I agree with her. Sorry fellas, it’s the truth (shrugs).

And now the best part of the episode: Cynthia’s Mother’s Day Brunch! Baaaaaaaaby (in my Tiny voice) there was a lot of fooleywang material goin on! So all the housewives are sitting on the porch eating and Sheree asks Phaedra when she is due. Phaedra replies, “Girl, hmmmm, I don’t know.” WTF! You don’t know how far along you are! Mind you, she looks like she is overdue! That’s not it though; this chick says she is giving birth at 34 weeks because “the lungs will already be developed enough”. Uhm, I don’t know what Obstetrician will willingly deliver a baby unless the mother or baby is at risk of something. Just watching the scene had me with the “FOHWTBS” face. So she asks all the ladies for advice because this is her first child and in true NeNe fashion, she replies “You need to keep him in there until he’s ready to come out.” I swear Phaedra must be smoking something. Finally Apollo shows up to the brunch, bearing a Mother’s Day gift for his wife. She opens it up and its a Gucci diaper bag. Now, last episode, this n*gga said he doesn’t show his love by providing expensive gifts because his time locked up made him realize that there are far more important things in life. If this is all true, why the hell would you present a Gucci diaper bag to your wife? I mean seriously, I think Phaedra planned that whole thing. Attention whores much?

In addition to the staged gift-giving, during brunch, the topic of cheating and sex comes up. The girls swap stories of how they get down in the bedroom, mostly Kandi and her sloppy toppy advice. I must say, it was very entertaining! Who would’ve known ex-stripper NeNe was actually a prude (no judgement)! Nene proclaims that she is low-key in the bedroom and prefers for the man to just take control while she lays there. I find this hard to believe. As soon as NeNe made this comment, Cynthia’s fiance interjects with, “Well that’s why there’s a whole lot going on right now!” WTF!!!! How dare you as a man even comment on her situation! Mind you, before the brunch Cynthia had warned him that Nene and Greg were having issues, so just remain low-key (i.e. non controversial). Ladies, this is why “pillow talk” with your man breaks our code (yes, we have one too) because clearly, they gossip just as much as us! But don’t think that NeNe didn’t correct his inappropriate ass! She quickly jumped back and let him know that “after 13 years of marriage and I got the good-good, sex is not why things are going bad between her and Greg.” At the end of the convo, Joyce (Kandi’s mom), gives Nene some words of advice by telling her that if her marriage is not making her happy, “cut it off and live your life.” Kandi’s mom shared that she had separated from her father when she was six, but she’s still married to him legally. Seems like the season is getting better and better! Remember RHOA will be moving to Sundays at 10pm now, so check back next Monday for a recap in case you were HBO pimpin! lata!