Gabrielle Union – There Are Some Girlfriends Who Want to Squash You, Watch You be Miserable
Gabrielle Union is opening up about her failed marriage in the past and how she’s struggled with friendships with women.
Before Dwyane Wade, Union was married to Chris Howard, a former NFL running back for Jacksonville Jaguars, from 2001 to 2006. During their five year marriage, Union constantly suspected foul play. In her memoir, she explains the constant red flags she received. She reflects when Howard proposed, he was eating a KFC potato wedges with a bucket of chicken standing alongside of him; her bridesmaids showed up to her wedding hungover; and there was constant speculation of him cheating.
The pair eventually got a divorce and Union says that when they pulled the plug on their marriage, her career was also suffering.
For me that was my first marriage, going through the divorce process. I lost my show – my show was canceled. And I was having difficult relationships with my BFFs – my day ones. And it was everyone’s fault but my own.
Before she knew it,
I literally found myself under my bed with my dog.
It was then when Union knew she needed to make a change. In order to make such a turnaround, she started working closely with trainer/life coach, A.J. Johnson, who is deemed as a “changer of many lives in Hollywood.” Union describes her workout sessions with Johnson a little differently.
She would ask me questions while working out, she was like, ‘Tell me 10 things that make you happy.’
As the “Breaking In” actress tried to create a list, all she could name one successfully. Union recalls the words Johnson spoke to her,
Of course your marriage failed. You don’t know what makes you happy. Why would you think anybody else would know?
Within search of her happiness, Union reminisces on how she realized it was time for her to move forward.
I’m a hater, I’m a troll. [Johnson] was like, all those negative things that had been happening in your life, it’s exactly what you’re putting out, you’re getting back. I had to see myself clearly. It’s ugly, it’s hard, it’s painful to recognize that you are the common denominator for the vast majority of your problems.
When Union realized she needed to make a switch in her life, she recollected how that is often overshadowed by “keeping it real.” She also realizes how detrimental, some friendships with women can be to one’s growth.
There are some girlfriends who want to squash you. The goal isn’t to watch you evolve, the goal is to watch you be miserable. There’s something that is appealing about your misery to them. Then there are the real girlfriends, who can be honest in a loving way, the goal isn’t to squash you, but is to watch you evolve into the woman who you want to be.
The author clearly found the balance with friendship and love. She later married NBA star, Wade in 2014.
The idea that a good woman – or a good future wife – should have the propensity to handle enormous amounts of pain, and that’s what makes you a good wife. When we got married, we had to redefine that. As an evolved person – as a healed person – I’m not interested in pain, and I’m not interested in hurting you either. I married ‘D. Wade,’ and I have a marriage with Dwayne Tyrone Wade Jr., and I’m still getting to know him. I’m in a amazing friendship/marriage with this beautiful man, I didn’t even know existed.
By –Kina Gladney