3
Apr
2012

DMX’s Wife, Tashera Simmons, Opens Up : Confirms Verbal Abuse, “I loved DMX more than he loved himself….” & Why Her Future’s So Bright

Written by thejasminebrand in Blog
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Tashera Simmons was once only known for her marriage to controversial rapper DMX. But now she has begun to build her own brand. Tashera and DMX are childhood sweethearts (they met for the first time when they were 11-years old and began dating later as teenagers). In 1998 the couple married. They now have have 4 children together, while DMX supposedly has 6 other children outside of their marriage (although only 2 of those 6 have been confirmed by DNA tests). Fast forward to the present day and Tashera is starring in the VH1 reality show “Couples Therapy” with DMX, is working on a non-profit organization called “Women of Strength,” and has an autobiographical book coming out titled “Finding Tashera.” In our recent interview with Tashera, she opened up about her childhood, children, what convinced her to do reality TV with X,  show, her husband’s verbal abuse and what’s in store for her future. Peep a few excerpts:

On how her childhood affected her perspective on marriage:

“My parents were married. I’m the oldest of 7 [children]. When I turned 14 my mom left and never came back, so I was abandoned as a child, and left to take care of my sisters and brothers. And my dad turned to drugs. So I have a deep story before DMX, which probably prepared me for his craziness… Because of the trauma that I dealt with as a child, I never wanted to have any kids. I took care of my brothers and sisters at such a young age, and worked 2 or 3 jobs. So my dream was to get older. I didn’t care to get married, or have kids, but everything turned out the opposite for me.”

On how she deals with DMX’s other children, outside of their marriage:

“He says he has 6 kids [from other women] but he only took 3 blood tests, and 1 of them wasn’t his, 2 of them were. And there are 3 others that came up. So I don’t recognize the others, besides the 2 that came back positive. One of them is a girl who’s 9 [years old]. I just made contact with the mother, over the winter, and got the kids together — her daughter, with our 4 — because I think that’s important. At the end of the day, that’s what it’s about: the kids.”

On why she decided to the reality show:

“We had been separated for 6 years already, when he went and pitched another show to VH1 and they wanted to know what was going on with me and him. They asked him, ‘Can you do a show with Tashera?’ And he was like ‘She’s not gonna do it.’ Because we weren’t on good terms at all. We hadn’t talked. He was just out there doing him. So it was a real big thing, me going on the show, because I knew where he was mentally; he wasn’t the same person anymore. But I just needed closure before I called it quits… At first I said no, then he called me back and said ‘I think there are a lot of things that we can get out of this, since we never had counseling.’ That was big for him because he never usually wants to talk about anything when it comes to our relationship. So when he said that I thought it might be good for me, because I do have a lot of questions that he never answered. And I’m always approached by people asking me why me and X won’t work it out, so I was like, ‘maybe I should go and talk about what happened.’ And I wouldn’t have done it without getting paid. And he got paid more, but he gave me half of his, so that’s when I was really like it’s well worth it!”

On how her children reacted when she told them that she would be on TV with their father:

“Our oldest child together is a 19 year old boy. The whole time that me and X were separated, he just stopped talking to his father, because he really saw everything and how it went down. And he just lost a lot of respect for his father. So he just thought [me going on the show] wasn’t a good idea at first. But he said he thought about it and decided that maybe it’s something I need, for closure. The younger ones, when me and X separated, they were really young, so I never really talked about [our relationship] with them. So they just thought that their father was always working. I told them that me and him weren’t together, but I guess because they’re so young they really didn’t care. Because even when we were together he was never really there, because of his traveling schedule. He was always gone, so they’re used to that. So when I told them that we were going to do a show they thought it was exciting, just because it was going to be on TV. They just don’t get it at all.”

On how she felt when she watched herself and DMX on the show:

“The first one I watched with Angelina (from Jersey Shore) and Reichen (from Amazing Race Season 4) — Reichen had a party at his house. And I was speechless watching when X cursed me the hell out. At that time, when it was happening, I was so busy worried about the lies he was making up, that I didn’t realize how he was talking to me. But actually watching it, I realized that I’ve been immune to that talk all of these years, and I realized that I was in a verbally abusive relationship. I was just shocked, and embarrassed.”

On if she knew that he cheated, while they were together:

“I always traveled with him; he always wanted me to go. So when, on the show, he said that I always knew he was a dog, what they don’t show is that I go back and forth with him about that. I was like, ‘You know I never knew,’ but they don’t even show that. But I always traveled with him so I didn’t even know he was out there like that until the first girl came forth and said she had a baby by him. I never put it past him, but I never knew he was out there the way he was… X is a very smart guy and he’s torn up about how he ruined our marriage. But he doesn’t like taking responsibility. So him going on there saying I knew he didn’t want to get married, and I knew he was that type of guy, its just his way of flipping it back on me. That’s something that he has to see a psychiatrist for. He knows that’s not true because I was never that kind of push-over woman. Had I known that he was sleeping around, I would have never stayed. People who actually know us, know that was bullshit. A lot of people have been hitting me up like, ‘Why is X on the TV lying like that? He knows that he his that stuff so well that you never knew.’ But maybe [lying about it] makes him feel better. He’s trying to make me look like I’m some dumb ass girl, but I don’t care at this point.”

On how she felt when he claimed that he never wanted to marry her:

“I was hurt and embarassed. He’s not the type of person that does things he doesn’t want to do. I could have never gotten that man to marry me if he didn’t want to get married. So for him to lie like that, I was hurt. And then on top of that, he did it on TV. That made me look crazier.”

On if he’s always so verbally aggressive:

“That’s him. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I actually saw it on TV. I was just so used to him talking like that: loud, and I can’t really get a word in. He’s always like that, always dominating the conversation. Behind closed doors I would have to get like him to get my point across. I would have to yell like, ‘Mothaf*cka… If you hear what the f*ck… If you shut the f*ck…!’ He would always take me out of my character. I’m not like that, but talking to him would take me there. Just seeing the show made me realize that this is crazy. I’m glad that we separated.”

On how the show helped her grow:

“I’ve grown tremendously since the show. Even on the show you’re going to see that I find myself on the show. That session you saw me and X in was really an hour long, but they just had to narrow it down to minutes. And every group session that we all went in was 3 hours long. So it was so therapeutic doing this show. It was so real.”

On what she thinks the big problem in their relationship is:

“I think everybody is gonna start feeling sorry for him because a lot of [his problems] come from his past. What I learned is that you can’t love people more than they love themselves. And I loved him more than he loved himself; I wanted more for him. People don’t understand that me and him got together at 11 years old. This is my childhood sweetheart for real, even before the music. I love him like a family member.”

On if she thinks he could ever be loyal to any woman:

“Not unless Jesus comes back on earth… No, I’m just playing. I don’t know, but I don’t think so. Unless he really deals with all his demons… I think he just sleeps with all these women as some kind of comfort. And that goes back to his mother. And I knew that for a long time. I thought that I could fill that void, because of our long relationship. But I realized I can’t do that.”

On her organization, “Women of Strength”:

“Its an organization that I started last year, that caters towards kids and women and mean who have been abandoned, or been in a drug addictive environment like myself. I just want to give back and help because I didn’t have anybody to help me. So I’ve been going out speaking to women. Now I want to start speaking to women who have been in verbally and mentally abusive relationships because, clearly, I’ve been in one.”

On her book, “Finding Tashera”:

“At first, I didn’t even know the name of the book, I was just writing it. But this show brought back a lot of memories from my childhood and from X. So I named it “Finding Tashera,” after I found myself on the show. Now, moving forward, I know where I want to go, what I want to do, I know my self-worth. So now I finally finished the book and I’m getting ready to start shopping it, to get a home for it. It will take about 6 months. But the reason why I’m writing this book is, not only, to tell my story, but to inspire other women who I know can relate.”

On if she would ever get married again:

“Yes, but not for a very long time. I still believe in love. But if me and X don’t work it out, I think I’m going to get more into myself. That’s first. I gave so much time to my family and him, that I would get into myself if it doesn’t work out with him.”

On what she wants her legacy to be:

“I would want people to remember me as a person who always put God first. And that I stand on what I believe in. You can’t really judge unless you’ve been in my situation. I just stand on what I believe in.”

Tashera made it obvious that letting it all out on TV was liberating, since DMX never wanted to talk about their relationship problems before. Before the interview ended, she also hinted that there was a chance that she and DMX may not stay together, and that the ending will be a great surprise for everybody. She also confirmed that there is a potential for a spin-off show featuring herself. I’m excited to see what the ending of the show will bring out! Stay tuned.

Listen to the full audio here:

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  • Denise Moore

    I went to school with Tashera and she is a kind a wonderful person that loves to help people. She has never cared what other people thought, she always worried about herselr and her siblings and how she would take care of them. She went through hard times in her life and has been there for DMX through rough times. Wanted to tell her to keep being herself and follow her hurt and do not worry what other people think, because this is her life. Life is to short so follow her dreams.

  • Someone who knows

    When you grow up in a situation and find another way out you tend to want to make the way out work more than anything because you do not want to see yourself going back to where you came from so you rather suffer then see yourself go through it again. And when you get out and take that time to get to know yourself and to grow it is a wonderful thing and maybe you needed to go through this to help you become stronger. May God Bless you and keep giving you the strength that you need. And share your testimony because people are looking at you and they may need you to help them grow. Be that voice.

  • Phillip Felton

    Good job my friend God Blessing to u and X .

  • Dubb-B(female type)

    She seems like a really good person. Down to Earth and all

  • I am very proud of her for doing the show. The more I watch, the fonder I grow of her and admire her strength. Way to go Tashera!

  • Thanks tashera for being such a positive role model no one deserves to go through the things you have endured but unfortunately that jus how life is I’m a young 24 yr. Old woman and mother of four and I have been through hell and high waters with the father of my kidz and jus like you I luv him more than he luv himself and want more and only the best for him I jus don’t think he seems to get it but after all of the lies and infidelity we’re back together trying to make it work. But I jus wanna thank you for your strength, advice, and encouragement . U helped me to redefine myself. May god bless you and X and your family.

  • Daron

    I am a Cameroonian guy who just saw your show about your marital life with one of my best artist DMX.I am sorry you went through hard times with him but don’t forget he still plays a great role in your life he is the father of your kids.I know you u love X very much but men are very funny at times.Men don’t give importance of what they have until they loose it.I am a man and i know how it goes.I just want to encourage you and tell you to continue putting you trust in God as you have always done and everything will come to an end.From the day you started taking care of your junior brothers and sisters it shows how caring,responsible and loving person you are,so keep on doing what you know best and go on with your life.Your husband is my favorite artist but i wish he should realize his mistakes and remember that, you are God sent to him and he will hardly find someone like you these days.DMX please i am one of your fans,i just want to tell you that remember the great woman called Tashera and your lovely kids you left behind,they love and no one will ever love like they do.Best regards Teshara and be strong.