Kevin Gates Came Very Close To Committing Suicide In 2020: I Was Going To Just Smash Myself
Kevin Gates opens up about his near-suicide experience for the first time.
Baton Rouge rapper Kevin Gates shared a testimony about how he nearly took his own life. He told the Big Facts podcast that, in Dec. 2020, he was fully prepared to end it all. Revealing the details for the first time ever, he stated:
“I’ma say something on this interview that I’ve never said before. December 10th through the 12th was the hardest for me [last] year,”
“I disabled my Instagram … See, I don’t do the, ‘Man, I’m ’bout to kill myself!’ I don’t want no attention. I was going the way of the samurai. Just smash myself because I was to the point I ain’t wanna live no more.”
Kevin Gates Details The Moment He Wanted To Take His Own Life In December pic.twitter.com/FGwnAItK3I
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He spoke about how he’d taken his youngest daughter to Cabo to celebrate her birthday for, what he thought, would be their final time together. By then, he’d made the decision to commit suicide.
Kevin–whose real name is Kevin Jerome Gilyard–has been open about his mental health struggles, which are often caused by memories of his troubled childhood. In the interview, he also explained that as the head of the household, home can become a difficult place to be.
“I wasn’t happy. As men, when you a provider and you not feeling like you being celebrated in the proper manner, you feel like you only being tolerated … when I was in the streets I used to hate going home because I feel like I wasn’t welcome there. Y’all act like I’m just doing what I’m supposed to be doing,”
“We so busy being tough and harboring all these resentment and emotions and the shit we deal with. That pressure was on top of my head. I was like, ‘Man, I quit.'”
The “I Don’t Get Tired” rapper had even written a suicide note. Describing its contents, he said:
“I had a raw letter that I wrote about everything. I was just saying, I don’t regret nobody I ever stepped on; if I did, your momma ain’t raise you right. I wrote about how I’ve been in love before and had my heart broken. How the first woman to ever break my heart was my mother, and the only woman to ever love me was my grandmother.”
He then headed to the gym for one last workout, not knowing that a fan was there to change his mind about taking his life.
“White boy walked up on me — kinda big, I see him in there a lot. He said, ‘Can I approach you?’ He like, ‘Man, your music the only thing that make this crazy world make sense.’ I was like, ‘Man, the world’s a cruel place. Trust me, I know.’”
Gates told the fan that he’d been preparing to commit suicide, to which the fan–who said that he’d also been suicidal in the past– replied:
“If you do that, so many people gonna take their own life ’cause you all we got.”
Immediately, switching gears, Gates gave himself three days and traveled to Puerto Rico. There, he found his purpose again and drastically changed his minset.
“When I disconnected my Instagram and stopped making comparisons to my life and other people’s highlight film, and just started living for me and really appreciating the good things about myself and love what you have and have all that you need and really engaging with myself and the world… That’s what really shook me all the way.”
“This may help somebody. If I only help one person with my story, with everything I’ve been through, then I’ve served my purpose.”
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