Chrisette Michele: I Had A Miscarriage, Contemplated Suicide & Was Dropped From My Label

Chrisette Michele

Chrisette Michele Suffers Miscarriage, Contemplates Suicide & Is Dropped By Label

It’s been a heart-breaking time for Chrisette Michele. The soulful singer recently revealed on social media that she suffered a miscarriage, was dropped from her label and had suicidal thoughts. She spoke transparently about each individual challenge, with the hopes of inspiring her fans that they too can face some of life’s challenges. She writes about Suicidal Thoughts,

People ask me how I’m so positive after all I’ve been thru….. When you’re laying in bed naked, next to a bottle of Bacardi and Xanex. When you wear pajamas Morning and night. When you don’t pick up the phone for weeks, months. When you’re afraid to look at social media.

I know I’ve sown positive seeds. I know I’ve lifted people. I know I’ve been a part of community activations and black empowerment. When a community sticks its middle finger up at you and completely forgets everything you’ve ever done, you’re worthless… You’ve just spent ten years kicking your own ass to be there for everyone and suddenly no one is there for you? I don’t need to be here…. And when you’ve drank so much you can’t see clearly. And when your speech is so slurred you just stop speaking. You hope you don’t wake up.
Thing is. I know God. He was kind enough to soften the blow. I promise you, I felt Him cover me like a blanket. I told Him I was out of control. I told Him I was having thoughts about leaving and not finishing all He’s called me to. He listened. There in lied my therapy. Music was written in this prayer closet of sorts. Dialogue with God.
Call me crazy, but it’s better than being dead. There’s no one who will make me apologize for shouting from the roof tops that I have the overcoming story of a powerful and #StrongBlackWoman

She writes about having a miscarriage:

You don’t have to be a celebrity to fail, to fight, to struggle. Pain is universal… I went into the gym and trained like a body builder to try and push past the pain I was feeling. I’d run up hill and lift weights heavier then strong men.

I’d cry my way thru workouts. My trainer would cheer me up. God bless him. I pushed so hard and ate so much protein, I scarfed away my hurt. My old habits of binge eating disorder began to show themselves. Drinking maybe nothing but water for a day after a day of heavy intake. My trainer didn’t know it but he was feeding the demon that covered up hurt with food.

I had a long cycle. Something came out of me. It was my child. The one my love and I worked so hard on.
I never knew I could allow myself to be so broken that my physical body would break down. A miscarriage? Me?

This experience of a broken nation showed itself in my own physical body. That was when I knew I had to pull it together. Heal, Forgive. Just because I had a negative experience didn’t mean I had to become negative and broken.
When I lost my child I knew that it was time for me to become a #StrongBlackWoman

She says about being dropped by her label:

If social media wanted to pull me down, I guess they succeeded as it pertains to Capitol & Caroline records.

I complete an entire album and my label decides to walk away from me. Capitol records. I was quiet for a few days… I go into the studio and literally poured out my heart and soul and the label decides to walk away from me?

It’s one thing to be a strong black woman, it’s another thing to be a strong black woman who has to fight against the worst odds. I went from someone being revered and loved to facing putting out an album in the worst climate of my musical career.

No victims here. I get it…. But absolutely human here. How hard can you try to break someone? How hard can you try to ruin someone? How much hate do you need to spew to show me you want to see my demise?

I won’t stop #StrongBlackWoman

She says about being dropped by her label:

If social media wanted to pull me down, I guess they succeeded as it pertains to Capitol & Caroline records.

I complete an entire album and my label decides to walk away from me. Capitol records. I was quiet for a few days… I go into the studio and literally poured out my heart and soul and the label decides to walk away from me?

It’s one thing to be a strong black woman, it’s another thing to be a strong black woman who has to fight against the worst odds. I went from someone being revered and loved to facing putting out an album in the worst climate of my musical career.

No victims here. I get it…. But absolutely human here. How hard can you try to break someone? How hard can you try to ruin someone? How much hate do you need to spew to show me you want to see my demise?

I won’t stop #StrongBlackWoman

Thankfully, Chrisette says that yoga, coupled with a strong support system, helped her to overcome the challenges that she was facing. She writes,

My love was so supportive during this time. “Strong Black Woman” is not just about powerful black women, it’s about the incredible men who support them. My man saw my anxiety and gifted me with a 200 hour yoga course in New York City.

I knew it was important for me to be kinder to my body, my self image and my heart. A miscarriage, suicidal thoughts, bingeing and physical overload was taking a toll.
Yoga. I was the only black girl. The only curvy girl. But we were one. I was still, a lot. I listened a lot. I studied a lot. I wondered if Christians understood these yogic concepts. Could I be Christian and a yogi at the same time?

I lived for the philosophy that I could live a life with out being attached to outcomes. I didn’t have to own what people called me. I could experience life from an enlightened and loving place. I could hear what people were saying but I didn’t have to own it. I could empathize with out being a victim.
With every asana and meditation I found my new focus. It was love. It was understanding. It was Peace. I could be the catalyst for peace because I now have a deep understanding for what the exact opposite of peace looks like.

Sometimes there’s a re-birth happening. Sometimes, in the least likely circumstances we are being groomed for the next best version of ourselves. Not only can I now stand on my head, I can stand tall on my own two feet. I was being groomed to become a powerful and #StrongBlackWoman #Namaste

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