Janay Rice In Her Own Words: He spit at me and I slapped him. + Ray Rice Releases Statement After Reinstatement

out and told us it was something they couldn’t control, though they would try. They told us to be prepared for it.

News of our arrests broke the next day, February 16. The first video followed on February 19 and no, we weren’t prepared. I was sick to my stomach. I just broke down in tears.

I said to him, “I don’t think I should have seen that.”

He said, “me either.”

The video didn’t make me rethink our relationship, but I did want more of an explanation from him. I asked him why he left me on the floor like that. I asked him how he felt when he saw that I was unconscious. He told me he was in shock. I asked him what happened when we got out of the elevator. He told me he was terrified because security was there. I asked him how he felt seeing me like that. He said he was thinking, “What did I just do?” I didn’t watch the video again.

I knew that every time I went online, I was going to see a picture of it, a clip of it, something. So I stopped searching for anything. If I saw Ray on his phone for too long, I’d ask him what he was looking at and tell him to stop searching for stories about it.

The first two weeks after the video came out, we only left the house to take Rayven to school. We watched kid channels all day on our TVs, even when Rayven wasn’t there. I just had to remember the things I saw in my parents’ marriage; be strong when your partner is weak.

Although our lives weren’t back to normal, we didn’t want that to stop our marriage plans. We went to Pro Athletes Outreach (PAO), a Christian counseling conference for professional athletes in San Diego, and on the flight home we talked about having a small wedding in March, then a big wedding in June. This was something Ray wanted to do from the moment we were engaged, but I wanted a big wedding. Finally we agreed that having something private and intimate would be great for us and our families.

We were married March 28, the day after he was indicted for aggravated assault. We didn’t choose that day because of the indictment. It just happened to be a Friday and a time when our families could attend our wedding without having to interrupt their work schedules. I didn’t understand why that was suspicious to some people. We’d been together seven years and had been engaged for two. What happened that night wasn’t going to change the fact that we were going to get married.

A couple months later came the press conference. The Ravens just said it was something that they felt we should do. I thought it would be good for people to see Ray publicly taking ownership for what he did. I thought it also might help humanize us. The only images out there of us were from that video. I wanted everyone to see who we really are and to understand that I have a voice for myself.

The day of the press conference, May 23, I was anxious. I didn’t know if the timing was right. With the legal process still going, I was worried about saying too much — or not enough. I knew we weren’t going to take questions, so while that was a little awkward, it made it easier. I don’t think we were ready to answer questions. I just wanted to say what I had to say and leave.

I also wanted to show people that I was supportive of Ray just like I’d always been. At that point, I felt very optimistic that this would soon be over. The video already was out there. OTAs were beginning. We were getting back to somewhat of a normal life. Ray was accepted into the pretrial diversion program that, once completed, would result in the dismissal of his charge. If anyone knows me they know, I never have and never will be with Ray because of what he can do for me. I stuck with Ray because I truly love him.

Our relationship at that point was great, probably better than it had been in a long time. We’d grown closer and we started going out in public more. People would come up to us, and of course, we were afraid of what they might say. But we also heard a lot of support, which we were extremely grateful for. It was kind of dying down in the media, too.

We knew we had to meet with commissioner Roger Goodell on June 16. We were both nervous and scared because it felt like we were going to the principal’s office.

Ray told the commissioner, and his colleagues, everything that happened. There was no reason to lie because we knew that there was a video and we assumed the NFL knew what was in it, even though we didn’t know whether or not they saw it.

They asked Ray how long we had been in counseling and if we were going to continue. When Ray mentioned that we were drinking that night, the commissioner asked if that was something we were working on, too. They didn’t ask too many questions. They just wanted Ray to explain everything that went on that night.

The Ravens were just as excited as we were about how the meeting went. They told Ray they were happy that he was being honest. We saw them as a support system. During this, Ray always said, “At least I know I’ve got the Ravens on my side.”

So I wasn’t surprised when Commissioner Goodell suspended Ray for two games. In fact, I expected it. It was somewhat consistent with how he disciplined other players.

I don’t know what else people wanted. I guess they thought Ray deserved to be suspended for more games because of the shocking visual. In his six years in the NFL, Ray had never been in the media for anything negative. He was known for his success on the field, and works in the community. Maybe criticism of the suspension was another way for people to just keep picking at him or the situation or what.

When training camp started, I was so relieved when Ray went to practice and the fans cheered for him. I knew there was more video from inside the elevator, but I tried to keep a positive mindset. I didn’t want to keep on thinking about it, because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to get through the day.

I didn’t think anything else was going to happen.

IT WAS six o’clock in the morning on September 8, nearly seven months after the incident. Ray’s manager was the first one to call. I heard Ray on the phone, and based off the way he responded, I thought somebody had died.

When he got off the phone, he told me the whole video had been released. I just went into a shell. I started crying. We knew it was going to be another media storm. We didn’t know what to do.

I sent out a text to everybody close to me: “The video’s out. I would ask you not to watch it.” I know some of them probably did. But I refused to.

I was over this, and I didn’t need the visual. How was seeing it going to help me? I knew that would only bring me back there. After Ray watched it, I asked him not to look at it again, because I knew it was only the devil trying to come in and ruin how far we’ve come. I refused to go backwards.

Later in the afternoon, the Ravens called and released Ray. Maybe 10 minutes after that, we found out that he was indefinitely suspended by the NFL.

I was extremely surprised and angry that the Ravens released him, because they know him. They were our family, but I felt like the Ravens completely disregarded the past six years with him. Anytime the Ravens needed someone for a community event, Ray was their man. It seemed like a knee-jerk reaction for publicity reasons. He was very close to Baltimore Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti and general manager Ozzie Newsome. Ozzie would always say, “Ray’s my guy,” because Ray was Ozzie’s pick. I know that Bisciotti loves Ray, even to this day.

I still find it hard to accept being called a “victim.” I know there are so many different opinions out there about me — that I’m weak, that I’m making excuses and covering up abuse — and that some people question my motives for staying with Ray.

However, I’m a strong woman and I come from a strong family. Never in my life have I seen abuse, nor have I seen any woman in my family physically abused. I have always been taught to respect myself and to never allow myself to be disrespected, especially by a man. Growing up, my father used to always tell my sister and I, “We don’t need a man to make us, if anything it’s the man who needs us.”

No matter how long we have known each other and no matter what the circumstance is, Ray understands that violent behavior like this, even one time, is never acceptable. Ray told the truth and has fully accepted responsibility for his actions, which allowed us to work together at improving ourselves and get to the better place we are today.

I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve realized how strong I am. People ask me how I’ve gotten through this and I honestly cannot put it into words. I have grown closer to God. My faith has gotten me through each day. It’s been hard accepting the fact that God chose us for this, but at the same time it’s put us in the position to help others. We know our incident led to very important discussions to hashtags of “why I stayed” and “why I left.” If it took our situation becoming headline news to show domestic violence is happening in this country, that’s a positive.

Click here for the full interview. FYI: Rice has since won his appeal, meaning he is allowed to return to the NFL. Rice is now a free agent and eligible to sign with another team. Rice released the following statement:

I would like to thank Judge Barbara Jones, the NFL Players Association, my attorneys, agents, advisors, family, friends, and fans – but most importantly my wife, Janay. I made an inexcusable mistake and accept full responsibility for my actions. I am thankful there was a proper appeals process in place to address this issue. I will continue working hard to improve myself and be the best husband, father and friend, while giving back to my community and helping others to learn from my mistakes.

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