Jada Pinkett Smith Opens Up About Her Struggle w/Depression & “Deep Despair” Despite Her Life Looking Good “On Paper” In New Memoir: ‘I Wanted To Be On This Earth Less And Less’

Jada Pinkett-Smith

Jada Pinkett Smith Opens Up About Her Struggle w/Depression & “Deep Despair” Despite Her Life Looking Good “On Paper” In New Memoir: ‘I Wanted To Be On This Earth Less And Less’

Actress Jada Pinkett Smith is getting candid about her fight towards better mental health.

In her coming memoir, the TV and movie star shared that she was once at a place in her life where she contemplated no longer living even though from the outside looking in, many would assume she had the perfect life.

Jada Pinkett-Smith

Reportedly, Jada Pinkett Smith discussed the challenging time in an excerpt from her forthcoming memoir titled “Worthy”. The book, out October 17th, reportedly touches on 52-year-old’s rough upbringing in Baltimore with parents battling addiction, through her stellar acting career and rise to fame. In one portion of the novel, “The Matrix” star shared how she suffered from a mental break around her 40th birthday. Reflecting on her attempt to have a grounded moment while traveling outside the country, Smith wrote:

“I want to be grateful for this moment, for this opportunity, but a feeling of helplessness floods me…Don’t be afraid, I tell myself. You are in peaceful, beautiful Ojai. Why are you so scared? Because, I answer right back, what if THIS actually kills me?”

And continued:

“Three months earlier, in the wake of my fortieth birthday, my biggest worry was Well, what if it DOESN’T? For two decades, I had been putting on a good face, going with the flow, telling everyone I was okay. Yet underneath, bouts of depression and overwhelming hopelessness had smoldered until they turned into raging hellfire in my broken heart. Unwelcome feelings — of not deserving love — made it harder to understand the disconnect between the so-called perfect life I had achieved and the well of loss I carried with me. Therapy helped up to a point. It got me to forty! But to what end?”

The entertainer went on to discuss how at the time, she’d been moving through life checking off boxes that made her believe her life was good. By the age of 40, Smith had made quite a name for herself, starring in widely popular projects such as the TV sitcom “A Different World”, and in movies such as “Set It Off” and “Jason’s Lyric”. Along with being one of the most popular actresses since the 90’s, she also married one of the biggest movie stars of the time Will Smith, 55. The two tied the know back in 1995 and certainly went on to become a powerhouse Hollywood couple.

Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith

However, Smith admitted that she and her husband were not in a good space in their marriage at this point. Continuing in her memoir she added:

“I was slammed by the reality that I’d been checking off boxes meant to define being enough to deserve “having it all…”On paper,” it all looked grand — I had the beautiful family, the superstar husband, the lavish lifestyle, fame and fortune.”

And continued:

“I had my own career, the freedom and support to pursue creative outlets. The sweetest part was my kids — Jaden, Willow, and my bonus son, Trey — my three favorite people in the world. They were, hands down, the best thing that ever happened to me. Yet none of that prevented me from hitting the wall I was speeding toward at a hundred miles per hour, knowing full well — this s—’s gonna blow!”

Will Smith, Jaden Smith, Willow Smith, Trey Smith

Ending the excerpt, Smith shared that she was eventually told she suffers from complex trauma with PTSD and dissociation and attempted to find relief to no avail. She continued:

“I had sought help everywhere you can imagine — from Goddess gatherings, silent yoga retreats, backpacking alone, studying every religion you can think of, you name it…Adding to my distress, Will and I weren’t in a good place and hadn’t been for a while. I couldn’t make it right no matter how hard I tried. We couldn’t hear or see each other — at all. Confiding in my close friends seemed unfair to them and to Will and me. And so, by Thanksgiving, I’d fallen into despair and wanted to be on this earth less and less. This was not living.”

You can hear more about Jada’s story as she kicks off her book tour in the coming weeks.

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