Toya Carter Talks ::: Relationship Advice, Building a Business, How She Raises Reginae, New Book & How She No Longer, “Entertains Foolishness”

Recently, Antonia ‘Toya’ Carter visited the nation’s capital to provide community service to the District of Columbia’s young women and girls. The program, called ‘Teen Young Ladies on the Rise’ invited Carter to talk with young women about sex, image, reputation, self-esteem, rising above the odds, teen pregnancy and bullying at DC’s Lace Lounge. The teenagers had no idea that Carter would be their featured guest speaker. During the gathering she popped up and shocked them and spent a few hours answering their questions, listening to them and dishing some of her own advice. I had the opportunity to chat w/ her about her relationship with her daughter, her love life, reality TV and more. Peep our conversation.

Why type of community service events are important to you? “As a kid, I didn’t have anyone to mentor me or talk me into the right direction. As I got older and I started learning more and more things, especially after writing my first book, it kind of motivated me to want to speak to other girls; tell them what I’ve been through and help them get through whatever they’re going through; let them know, ‘You’re not alone. I got through it and you can too.'”

Is there one piece of advice you give out now that you wish you would have listened to when you were growing up? “One thing I always say to young girls is, ‘Never let anyone tell you what you can’t be…what you can’t do.’ Just because you had a tough upbringing doesn’t necessarily mean that your future can’t be better. You can switch that around and break that cycle. I always tell girls, ‘Nothing beats a failure, but a try.’ As a kid I was always afraid of failure, until I started trying certain things. You never know if you don’t try.”

Are you nervous about your daughter turning 13? “I’m very nervous about it. It’s that stage where they start ‘smelling themselves'” (laughs).

I know that you give great advice to these young women and girls, but as a pre-teen we often don’t listen to our mothers–or at least initially. How do you teach your daughter and provide the same type of advice, that you give to others? “Me and my daughter have a great relationship. We’re kinda like close. We talk about a lot of different things. I try to kinda play the friendship role with her and the mother role. When I have to get strict, I get strict. At other times, I make it very comfortable for her to come and talk to me about things, so she won’t hide anything from me. You have to build relationships with your kids. That’s very important.”

As a business woman, what type of advice would you give to teenagers or young adults who are interested in doing something similar? “As a kid, I would say I was always afraid of failure. I was scared I wouldn’t be successful or not financially stable enough….until one day I decided to open up a store –fashion has always been a passion of mine. I have a new boutique (Garb) and I’m working on my second location now in Atlanta, then my web site. So, I would say ‘Go for it. Whatever it is. Get the proper education and go for it.’”

In terms of your reality show, what’s been the most challenging thing that people aren’t really aware of? “People always talk about the fact that I put my mom’s drug addiction out there…just exposing myself…but I feel like a lot of people are able to relate to it. It’s touching a lot of people. The 1.5million people that tuned in, we get a lot of positive feedback on it. People tell us about how much they can relate to us. We don’t pretend to be the perfect family…we’re not; we are far from that. It just shows people that we are trying to better ourselves. It’s not scripted; nor a fake show. I wanted to keep it all the way real and that’s what we do.”

Initially, weren’t you apprehensive about sharing that part of your life? “Not really. I talked to my family and everyone was okay. I felt like if I was going to do a reality show, it was going to be something that makes sense. It wasn’t going to be all catty. Although all of the time people get into it…that’s a part of life. As long as there’s a positive message at the end, it’s okay; it’s worth it.”

I know that you’re engaged, how did you know when you found ‘the one’? What was that thing, what did you look for or recognize? “We were friends. You have to build a friendship first. Me and him were friends for 3 1/2 years. We never said what we were. One thing just led to another and one thing that I’ve learned about our relationship is that it’s very spiritual. I feel like he’s the spiritual side of me. I really believe that he was sent from God. I wasn’t expecting or looking for any type of relationship.”

So be friends first, make sure he loves Jesus, what else? “Make sure he adores you. You have to have someone that loves you, respects you and adores you.”

It’s obvious you were married to someone and have a child with someone that’s very well-known to the public. How do you stay un-petty, above the drama and create boundaries? “I feel like people are going to talk regardless — whether you’re doing good or bad. It doesn’t matter, people will always have something to say. I just stay in my own lane, tend to my own business.”

Have you always been like that — staying to yourself, in your own lane? “No, it comes with growth. Over the years I matured. Back in the day, I would be poppin’ off; entertaining foolishness, but now I don’t.

How do you protect your daughter from that? “I don’t let her get into all of that. I have long talks with her all the time about this industry because she is in the public eye. But my daughter is very smart; very wise beyond her years. I just keep it real with her all the time. The little bit that I do know about this industry, I talk to her about it all the time. Her father’s been in the industry for a long time, so he does the same.”

How do you feel about Oprah’s show ending (at the time the last show had just aired the day before the interview)? “Oh, I’m so sad. I’m going to watch it on DVR. I love Oprah, she’s very positive. We’re gonna miss Oprah, she’s gotta come back.”

Let’s talk about your new book, “Priceless Inspirations.” What was the most challenging process of this book-writing journey? Yes, I have a new book and it’s stores. Pick a copy up. But getting a publisher was the most challenging. People felt like if it wasn’t a tell-all book, it wouldn’t work. Initially, people didn’t see the vision, but now they do. They get it.

And will you be doing another book? Definitely.

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