Mary J. Blige Talks Split From Ex Husband: I had to forgive myself for being so stupid. I had to forgive him for everything he did.

Mary J. Blige

Mary J. Blige Talks Split From Ex Husband: I had to forgive myself for being so stupid. I had to forgive him for everything he did.

Singer Mary J. Blige has been serving us the 411 on her life in a Yankee fitted cap and thigh high boots since the early 90s – and in the 25th anniversary year of her “My Life” album, success has come full circle for the crooner. In a new interview with Self Magazine cover, Mary acknowledges how her healing process has helped heal others.

Mary J. Blige, Kendu Isaacs (circa 2014)

On how she healed from the pain of her public divorce from Kendu Isaacs:

“It took a lot of prayer. For years I would not see a therapist. I just would handle it. For years, for years…[It took] getting a little help, getting some real good information.”

Mary realizes that, in hindsight, Kendu didn’t deserve the credit she gave him for happiness:

“…When I look back, I see that we all want what we want. And we want it to be the way we want it to be. I wanted a savior. I’d been hurting so long, and so much, and so bad…he did not deserve that credit.”

On the childhood trauma that fueled her 90s drug addiction:

“We numb ourselves with drugs and alcohol and people and shopping and sh*t, to cover up what’s really going on inside. You’re taking drugs so you can go out and feel courageous, or go out and feel beautiful or whatever. You’re doing it to cover up something…[I needed to] kill the visual of what happened to me when I was five.”

Mary J. Blige continued, detailing that it took her decades to reveal her abuse to her mother:

“Everybody thinks they know everything, but nobody really knows. You only know what I tell you. And I don’t tell everything…It took me a long time to tell my mom something that happened to me when I was smaller. I was 33 years old when I revealed to my mom how I was molested. Thirty-three. Because I didn’t want to hurt her. And I wish I didn’t do it then, but I had to….I still can’t tell my mother everything that happened in that marriage.”

How she kicked her drug habit:

“I’ve seen visions of what I would look like if I kept doing drugs…If I saw myself almost dying, or if I almost died, or almost O.D.’d, why would I do that again?”

Lastly, Mary says her divorce served a larger purpose:

“[It] didn’t happen for no reason…The relationship that I’ve built with my fans—just because I’m Mary J. Blige and I’m a big superstar, I’m going to start denying them our therapy? Nah. This stuff happens so that we can talk…People are watching. [So] how do I come out of this unburned, unscathed? This is my life that was taken from me…I don’t want to come out of this and be mad at the world, and be mad at every man on the planet. Perhaps the weight of expectation, of knowing she’d have to use her powers to help others climb out of the wreckage of their own lives, was one reason why she was so determined not to emerge from the experience bitter or broken…I had to forgive myself for being so stupid. I had to forgive him for everything he did. It happened because every night that I’m at these shows, I have at least four women say [to me], ‘You got me through the divorce that I was going through. That ‘Strength of a Woman’ album? We was going through [your] divorce with you’…I had to go through that in order to serve.”

Written by Miata Shanay